me time
baby steps to begin putting myself first
i had a really good day to myself yesterday.
it’s quite rare for me to say that, as i am usually consumed by my nine to five retail job. whenever my day off comes around, i am stuck at home either completing chores that have been pushed aside all week, running errands to fill up the fridge, or catching up on sleep. it’s a never ending cycle that comes and goes. i blink and it’s already been four months since the new year. i haven’t even completed one work out since 2024 began.
when you are stuck in a constant cycle, life can get pretty stagnant. you begin to lose energy in even trying to add something new to your routine. but yesterday, i spontaneously decided to take a detour on my way home from the nail salon.
i now live further away from LA which has drastically changed my life for the better. i get excited when i have an errand to run back in the city. even after moving away, i still book my nail appointments at the salon near my old home — in filipinotown — adjacent to echo park. i decided to explore the neighborhood as i barely did when i lived there. i drove to clark street bakery and picked up a turkey pesto sandwich for myself. then i realized that a bookstore i have been following on instagram was located a few stores down! i decided to check it out and had a great time exploring their selection. as i walked back to my car, i realized i parked right next to the coffee shop i used to frequently visit — laveta. i immediately decided to treat myself to a cup. i got into my car, took a sip of the coffee after stirring it around to let the cream top sink, then proceeded to drive home. i listened to ‘blame brett’ by the beaches on repeat and smiled the entire 15 minutes home.
i’m sure you are thinking “Lilia, everything that you did today sounds completely normal, everything that happened today is not out of the ordinary.” to me, it’s a miracle i even had the energy and courage to spend some time to myself. i never get to focus on my own well being. on a daily basis i am worried, anxious, and full of fear. about my family, my dog, my partner, work, and the future. it is rare that i get to pause and choose “me” for a moment. i’ve grown up to be constantly worried about every negative instance that may occur in my present and future, that i consider it ‘normal behavior’ when in reality i have a bloodline that has anxiety disorder spread throughout the family tree. so, putting aside some time and taking a spontaneous trip to do what i want to do, even if it was only for an hour max, made me feel good about myself. especially a spontaneous activity.
one baby step at a time, will i slowly begin to take care of myself.
slowly but surely.